hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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