We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
