I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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