Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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