I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
