i just wanna soil my oats bro
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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