2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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