i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
