were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
sarcasm needs its own font
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
