All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
