can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
