I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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