life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
