you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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