Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
