You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
