her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
