he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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