I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
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You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
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Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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