But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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