yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
