apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
