he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
