If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
