Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
