I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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