I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
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we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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