there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
