im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
