He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
