I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
