u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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