I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Houston, we have a squirter
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
