his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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