Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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