5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
