I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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