I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
this hospital has no fireball
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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