He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
