He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
