what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
