im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
