What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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