So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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