I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
