I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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