Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
