We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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