just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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