dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
