i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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