He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
