I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
