spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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