I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
