I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
