Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
