i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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