If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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