I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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