someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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