it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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