Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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