My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
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So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
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Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize