So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize