I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand