it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?