I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
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is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
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Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.