I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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I have surprise drugs for everyone
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
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Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.