So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
