when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
