The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
