i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
