hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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