Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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