Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
