I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
